Okay ladies. I have something to tell you. I've been postponing telling you about a revelation I had about a week ago, I think because I wanted to spare you from this sad news for as long a possible. Are you sitting down? Okay. Here goes.
We are too old to go to DA's.
I went to this favorite watering hole on a brief but lovely visit to Saratoga last weekend. After dinner at Hattie's, a drink at Bailey's (where we had to leave because it was too loud), and some nice fall patio time at Gaffney's, I begged my remaining drinking companions to head to DA's with me. They willingly obliged. According to a text I sent to Rose and Julie McCoy, stating "if i knew karate i'd kick hAlf [sic] the asses inherent [should have said "in here" damn you autocorrect]", I was at DA's and already angry at 12:24 am. My companions and I had found a booth and were drinking crappy beer (them) and a shitty vodka and cranberry (me). I was looking around at the other patrons, horrified and in awe. How old are these people? I'm quite sure that besides the tenured bartenders and possibly the fat bouncer guy, I was the oldest one there.
I was bemused and disgusted by the fashions and inflated confidence of the younger patrons. The boys, in rumpled button down shirts and attractively unkempt hair, were not so different from our own boys back in the late 90s. The females, however, seemed like some sort of alien race barely worth studying. Outfits included an odd mix of hooker chic- one subject wore a tiny, tight mini skirt with super high heels, and a look I call "awkward transition into fall". This look, prevalent at the bar, consisted of cold weather accessories such as knit hats and knee high boots paired with warm weather attire such as tank tops and shorts. There were a lot of boots- none of them attractive. All of them this light brown "high-fiber diet" color, many of them slouchy and/or cowboy-ish, none of them cute. There was also one chick who looked like she was straight out of a John Hughes film- androgynous 80s style from George Michael Wham! haircut to shoulder padded blazer to leggings. She was put together well, but she looked like a when shows put a cartoon character in a mostly live-action setting. She was too studied, too clique, and definitely too young to have seen a John Hughes film on VHS. I felt like she was mocking me.
After scowling in horror for several minutes, developing a new and unnatural feeling about Rock (who looked damn fine as he authoritatively mixed my drink), and chugging my mostly vodka vodka and cranberry, me and my companions regarded eachother with the same panicked look: "Wanna go somewhere else?" We went to 9 Maple for a decent cocktail (me), fine scotch (them) and the company of grown-ups who play it safe fashion-wise and prefer to sit down.
I can see us going to DA's on an alumni weekend where Skiddies of a certain age will outnumber this new group of.....energetic youngsters. Or maybe we could go there for a "make your own happy hour" type situation, a la 1998. During a normal Saturday night however, it's pretty depressing. I'm here if you need to talk about this. Also, I kind of need to process how hot Rock looked.
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3 comments:
Arrrrr, I just wrote a comment to have it be lost. Damn you iPhone!!! (not really, I take it back, I couldn't live without this sill thing) Anyway, thank you Schmat for telling us the truth even if it hurts. I felt as though it was heading that waytte last time we were in Saratofa and trying to stay out until midnight. I've always had a soft spot for Rock but I think it has more to do with the fact that he remembers us (and that seems more important in Saratoga than anywhere else). Can we still wave and say hello to Rock on our way to sit at 9 Maple?
i don't think we've had our last drink with rock, just our last bender with rock. i think rock was hotter because he didn't acknowledge recognizing me...it was a very steralized business transaction, where i made sure to order competently and non-drunkly so that he'd appreciate my maturity. clearly if i had a therapist they'd make a field day of this. he's lost weight and was wearing sexy glasses. he looked distinguished. so we can go back to marvel at that, at least.
Padded blazer? You weren't even born in the 80s. Leave it in the past.
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